Free (Shortlisted in AWC Furious Fiction)

I was sure that whoever placed the ad was a bit dim.

What else would explain it?

I’d nearly choked on my cloudy apple juice when the ad appeared on Gumtree. And in the FREE section, of all places.

Two clicks and some nice polite banter later, here I was.

The home was smaller than I’d expected. It’s rectangular shape made me suspicious it was a repurposed shipping container. I knocked twice on the glass sliding door and a woman appeared from around the back, barefoot, her loose jeans grubby.

‘Hi,’ I said as the woman removed her gloves. ‘I’m here for the, um, thing.’

‘Of course,’ the woman said with a voice that floated on the sunlight. ‘I’ll be glad to get it off my hands.’

Glad?

The woman dusted her palms together for effect. ‘I’ve packaged it all up nicely, ready to go.’

Curiosity clawed at me. ‘Can I ask why you’re getting rid of it?’ I asked. ‘It’s just so, well, perfect.’

‘Why do you say that?’ The woman squinted.

‘There are so many good traits, amazing qualities.’ I folded my arms. ‘I’ve been looking for a new persona for a while. It’s time I upgrade, “make something of myself” as they say.’

‘And you see my old identity as an upgrade?’

‘Definitely.’ I heard my voice speeding up. ‘Partner in a law firm, selfless, go-getter, relentless nature, people pleaser…. Why would you let go of one of those things, let alone all of them?’

The woman’s eyes tracked a bird or a cloud in the sky over my shoulder. ‘The day just comes, maybe when you hair is a bit more salt than pepper, when the shoes no longer fit. They’ve become painfully tight.’ She dug her bare toes into the grass. ‘And when you pull them off, you realise the blisters aren’t new. The shoes have been rubbing for years, but you were too busy to notice.’

‘I can’t imagine a six-figure income giving me a blister.’

‘Well, it’s all there for you to find out.’ She tilted her head towards a nondescript brown box that sat on the metal outdoor table.

I stepped towards it. ‘I feel like I’m robbing you…getting a whole identity for free. Can I please give you something in return?’

The woman paused. ‘How about you come visit me in 20 years. See if I want it all back.’

‘Deal,’ I said, a bit deflated knowing I’d eventually be handing it all back over.

I scooped up the box. I wouldn’t dare open it until I got home. I didn’t want to lose any of it.

I walked down the cul-de-sac towards my unspectacular sedan with the broken windscreen wiper, the symbolism not lost on me. 

I looked back over my shoulder, expecting the woman to run after me, claiming temporary insanity. But she stood on the same spot, her face tipped to the sun, her eyes closed. I swear I even saw her bare feet leave the ground.